Jealousy makes even the most beautiful of faces ugly.

train of thought..

There are some people who've made such a tremendous impact on my thoughts; and thus my life without the slightest inkling of awareness. Some family, some friends, some acquaintances, and even some almost-strangers.

To explain...I feel as if one of the most integral components of my nature is my endless daydreaming. My racing and wandering mind. My never-ending trains of thought. How I need to mull things over and make complete sense of them before being able to truly discard them or come to terms with them. I've gathered lessons from the aforementioned people- without even realizing it. Subconsciously I've observed how people get to where they are, and somehow locked it away in my mind to help me choose a vague path for myself.

Does this just mean I'm growing up? Perhaps.

Also, not sure if this even makes sense to anyone but myself. It doesn't really matter. I'm just pleased with myself for.. well.. showing some uncharacteristic discipline in a few different arenas of my life as of late. And there are so many different faces to thank. People I've met who have shown me everything they have that I don't want. People who have wanted to see more places than their own home state so they left. Those who've stepped out of their comfort zone to find that perhaps a different, formerly uncomfortable lifestyle happens to be a better fit.

I have yet to visit Montana. Hopefully I'll get there before all the glaciers melt...

Somewhat recently I've even met some people who've taken any fear out of The Future. It's not as if I've ever been a worrywart about things; I tend to think "what's the worst that can happen?" regardless. But these people have shown me that there truly isn't much to fear, and even some peoples' "worst" can be great fun.

hm

It's crazy to think that if I'd made different choices I'd be about to graduate college right now! Which theoretical college, with which degree, and in which state are all variables depending on which decisions I'd made differently.
Overall, I've been very happy with my life for a few years and so that is something I am DONE regretting.

This Week Ruled!

Monday: Schitzophonics + Rock Paper Tiger show and Street Fighter II all night
Tuesday: Aced my Archaeology exam, Elluvium show with awesome people
Wednesday: A very FUN Cinco de Drinko
Thursday: Spanish test I was stressing about will be a take-home, and Physical Anthro cancelled a test. THEN watched Eastbound and Down and Natural Born Killers & drank champagne.. This is exciting when you don't have cable!
Friday: got 3 zombie movies in the mail. have a bottle of white wine in the fridge. WHAT MORE CAN A GIRL WANT!?

love is like a scar
it fades away.

in the key of C

In this world of work and hangovers
Where will your golden hand lay its touch?
In this world of work and hangovers
Where will your golden hand lay its touch?
The city lights tonight
The city nights, the light
Provide me with the feeling
The roots to be strong
What about when they go out
For me you've all burnt out
And the day can't repay this debt in your name
I should've known... I should've known... I should've known
You'd be leaving soon

edited:

We were twins once, one short one tall
"Come and see my sister from another mister yall"
"Lookit her face, isn't she a dawll?"
We were twins once, one short one tall

We ran the show, yes we did yes we did
You couldn't tell us what to do
We ran the show, whiskey and gin whiskey and gin
Told us what to do not you

I had a sister once, she kept me on my toes
A jug in hand, a sneer in place
Smoke comin out her nose
I had a sister once, she kept me on my toes

She grew tired, I got hurt
She grew angry, my anger's worse!

I think ya know how this story goes
I had a twin once
I had a sister once
She kept me on my toes
I had a twin once, one of us had to go...

truth

And all the things that make you sad
Give me hope
Everything that makes you sick
Helps me cope
I love you so, my bones still ache
They resonate
My bones still ache
They resonate

I've been craving solitude every single day
"Soon enough spring will come" you all gently say
As if I've never felt sun and its healing rays
The instrument she lent- I'll imagine its curves
Round and full like hers
Like the lump in my throat
Choking out the only words I can think to say that won't betray
What we both know-
A name with no face is easier to blame than the idea of a willingness to change
I won't stray again, last night was like coming home
But the lights were all out