If The World's At Large Why Should I Remain?

The song "World at Large" by Modest Mouse is one of the most fitting descriptions of my inner workings I've ever heard / read. I wish I wrote it. It does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one who feels the way the song describes.

"I like songs about drifters, books about the same, they both seem to make me feel a little less insane" ha, see?!

It's almost akin to the feeling I would get when I was 17; reading Kerouac and wondering why his books didn't seem to resonate so clearly with most of the people I know.

I'm unsure of what it is I'm looking for, and I wonder if I've already missed it. If it was comfort, love, and stability I sure as hell passed it up in favor of the unknown. The prospect of adventure, however small-scale it may be is way more appealing.

I don't feel as if I inadvertently left a near-perfect life behind. The contrary; I've felt better overall since leaving what I did.

Slowly, the realization has hit me; it comes down to people vs. places vs. things.

What to do when every piece of the puzzle fits perfectly, the puzzle's almost totally complete- save for one missing piece. And you know exactly where the piece is but to retrieve it you'd have to forget about the rest of the puzzle. Is that one piece more valuable than the junction of all the rest?
I honestly don't know, I can't decide. I could spend an entire lifetime undecided.

Is this what growing older is supposed to be like?

I'm With Conor.

"I believe that lovers should be tied together
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
Left there to drown
Left there to drown in their innocence"

Good Things

-being surrounded by upbeat, positive people
-my kitties
-living in a temperate climate ( while this summer has hardly been summery, 70 degrees & overcast is still, in my opinion, better than blizzards or 95 degree weather with 85 percent humidity. Also, I can't complain after all of Feb, March & April's beach days...)
-good bands, good shows
-stand up comedy
-new tattoos
-a laid-back job
-living in possibly my favorite neighborhood/community of anywhere, ever
-relaxing with my guitar
-freshly dyed black hair
_____________________________________________________________________________

A lot of copying, a little inspiration

Part of growing older is learning to forget
Part of moving forward is paying off your debts
I moved to where the sun sets, lays its head to rest
Neither one to blame here, I'll always second guess

Jealousy makes even the most beautiful of faces ugly.

train of thought..

There are some people who've made such a tremendous impact on my thoughts; and thus my life without the slightest inkling of awareness. Some family, some friends, some acquaintances, and even some almost-strangers.

To explain...I feel as if one of the most integral components of my nature is my endless daydreaming. My racing and wandering mind. My never-ending trains of thought. How I need to mull things over and make complete sense of them before being able to truly discard them or come to terms with them. I've gathered lessons from the aforementioned people- without even realizing it. Subconsciously I've observed how people get to where they are, and somehow locked it away in my mind to help me choose a vague path for myself.

Does this just mean I'm growing up? Perhaps.

Also, not sure if this even makes sense to anyone but myself. It doesn't really matter. I'm just pleased with myself for.. well.. showing some uncharacteristic discipline in a few different arenas of my life as of late. And there are so many different faces to thank. People I've met who have shown me everything they have that I don't want. People who have wanted to see more places than their own home state so they left. Those who've stepped out of their comfort zone to find that perhaps a different, formerly uncomfortable lifestyle happens to be a better fit.

I have yet to visit Montana. Hopefully I'll get there before all the glaciers melt...

Somewhat recently I've even met some people who've taken any fear out of The Future. It's not as if I've ever been a worrywart about things; I tend to think "what's the worst that can happen?" regardless. But these people have shown me that there truly isn't much to fear, and even some peoples' "worst" can be great fun.

hm

It's crazy to think that if I'd made different choices I'd be about to graduate college right now! Which theoretical college, with which degree, and in which state are all variables depending on which decisions I'd made differently.
Overall, I've been very happy with my life for a few years and so that is something I am DONE regretting.